Doctors

This blog is going to seem like I have a huge thing against health care professionals, and I do. Maybe it's my moms hippy approach to never giving me medicine, and never taking me to get check-ups or maybe its that health care "professionals" don't know what they're doing anymore. I believe it's a little bit of both.

Anyhow, a couple of days ago I had a doctors appointment scheduled with what my mom said was a "highly recommended doctor". I waited in the office for about 30 minutes (after I had already gotten there half an hour early), and met with my doctor who was obviously Jewish and who obviously had a problem with me. Before I even met the doctor though, I had to fill out a questionnaire. Usually these questionnaires make me feel like a bad girl, which I'm not, but its nice to believe for a couple of seconds that by checking off yes to drinking, and smoking that I'm a force to be reckoned with.

As I sat down and she looked over my questionnaire I was quick to realize this woman was 1) judging me and 2) was highly unqualified. The first question was, do you smoke? Yes. Have you smoked in the past? Yes. Upon seeing these answers the woman who claimed she was a doctor said "smoking is bad for you. how often do you smoke a week?" Honestly I'm not a smoker I have the occasional cigarette when I'm drunk, which recently has been a lot but a pack usually lasts me a month or so. Which I tried to explain, but this bitch was not having it "well smoking a little or a lot is still smoking, you should cut that out of your life. You're only 18, quit now!" and I felt like responding "quit your job now and go on one of those fucking truth commercials. They'd LOVE to have you" but I gave her this one, doctors are supposed to say don't do this don't do that. So I swallowed my pride and moved on to the next question.

Do you drink? Yes. Have you drank in the past? Yes. Oooohh no. I knew if she found out how MUCH I drank, she'd have a cow. I braced myself for this one, "well you obviously know drinking is bad for you...how much do you drink?" I have a lot to say, and am usually great at comebacks and if you ever want to stump me, ask me how much I drink...I will NEVER be able to tell you. Do you really think I count how many beers I'm consuming? I can barely remember the night, let alone what I drank. So I figured the best answer to this was to say "a lot". She didn't seem to enjoy this answer as much as other people have in the past, so she made me explain. Upon hearing what I consumed just the night before she explained to me that yes, I do drink a lot (and the night I told her about was minimal drinking for me). She told me I should be the person to drink the club soda, and the lime. Let me tell you fellow bloggers, and readers out there something about me I am NEVER the club soda and lime girl. I think this concerned her because she asked me if she felt my drinking habits were a problem, which I quickly replied NO...and they're not! We were stuck on this fucking topic for a while until finally she found the answer to yet ANOTHER question.

Do you do drugs (Maryjane, cocaine, etc.)? Yes. Have you done drugs in the past (Maryjane, cocaine, etc.)? Yes. "YOU DO DRUGS TOO?" this incompetent bitch declared. I felt like saying "honey if I needed someone to sit here and be shocked that an 18 year old girl is not studying her ass off and praying to God or sitting in synagogue or some shit...I'd be somewhere else. Check me the fuck out, let me know I'm fat and have bad habits and let me be on my way. NO reason for you to be shocked by my answers. Next time I'll lie you stupid bitch" Obviously, I did not say this but I was very tempted. I mumbled some answer and she smirked at me, checked me out and sent me on my merry way with a prescription for birth control and an attitude.

I felt the only way to deal with this was to cry, and to decide never to go to the doctor again.