Facebook

Almost everyone in the entire world has a facebook. There are claims that its an easy way to keep in touch with people, and whoever doesn't have it can expect someone to say "how do you live?" Gone are the days of picking up the phone and calling your friend. If you want to meet up with someone, send them a quick facebook comment planning out the details. Want to host a party? No need for adresses, just send out a facebook invite to your chosen guests. Although facebook boasts to make your social life easier, and more manageable I have uncovered the ugly truth about it. Facebook changes everything. Its even gone so far as to change my family dynamic. Instead of my parents coming downstairs and talking to me about my recent "attitude problem" I receive a facebook message. Instead of happy birthday phone calls my family turns to facebook and leaves me happy birthday comments, along with my 200 other friends. Even bonding time has been limited to comparing farkle scores, and sharing crops on farmville.

And when I say family, I mean..my ENTIRE family. Not only does my little 12 year old brother have one, but my mother, father, grandmother, uncle, cousins, and aunt have their very own facebooks. Its gone so far that not only can I add who my husband/boyfriend/open relationship/its-complicated-with is, but I can add a link so you can see who my sibilings, and parents are.

Facebook has even made it so "convenient" that if my parents are in a fight all I have to do is look at their status's to see. StellaNYC is "it's always my fault huh?", or I can check out their wall to wall "I love you!", "I love you too", "We're going to a wedding tonight", "yippie! lovelovelove!". It makes me want to gag, talk about some major Internet pda. Gross.

Not only has facebook change my family, it changed my social life. I realized that the more friends you have, the more popular you are. And people are quick to judge you based on the number of photos you're tagged in, and what you're doing in those photos. If you tag yourself in a lot of photos, oh no girlfriend...that's a red flag right there. But if you have 500 some odd pictures tagged of you from other people, then you're golden.

I tend to be selective about the people I accept on facebook, I like my facebook friends to be people I'm either actual friends with, or have at least shared a couple of conversations with. This I've come to realize, is considered being a facebook bitch. I have gotten myself in trouble time and time again for not accepting a friend request from someone in school, and then hung out with afterward. The tension is unbearable. You sit there thinking in your head "shit, this girl requested me 5 times and I denied her. She definitely told Suzy that I'm a bitch, but I'm not a bitch...I'm just choosy. I'd never talked to her, and now I am! So now we can be facebook friends. Maybe I should explain this to her, or maybe I shouldn't".

On and on it goes, the guesswork of what exactly is the proper "facebook etiquette". If I write on someones wall, and they don't write back well you can expect me to be a little miffed. Or if I look at one of my good friend and my wall-to-wall and I've written much, much more then the other person delete, delete goes my comments. Facebook is just one big popularity contest that I am constantly trying to get a one up on. Want to be a totally different person? Change your interests, or your favorite movies.

I will say that facebook has done one good thing for mankind, and that is dating. If you met a cute guy, and you add each other on facebook. You can tell right away if he's dating someone, or a man whore. Even if its not on a relationship status, if you sufficiently facebook stalk his ass you can figure out almost anything and everything you could possibly need to know.

It's a sad, sad world we live in where all we have to do to acquire friends, and significant others is to sit behind a computer and tweak our profiles. But I continue to live in this world, because...well how else am I supposed to see what my crush is doing every day?